The truth? It's not likely that you'll wake up- look in the mirror one day and realize "OMG I AM TOTALLY WORTH IT!! In fact I'm so gorgeous, hot, and brave that I can throw down all the baggage packed with low self esteem, negativity, and let downs I've accumulated over the years-- and start loving myself , working out, and eating clean for the rest of my life! Without wavering, no faltering, full steam ahead."
Yeah- Right. Maybe there is someone out there who has done it- that I'm not certain of- But! I'll step out on a limb and say that they are definitely the exception to the rule.
Most of us mere humans have what I call "moments" we all have those epiphany's from time to time.. You know those times where you get fed up with living this unhealthy life? Artificially you decide to start loving yourself. Then- you jump head first into working out and eating right. Without any support, any education, any research, and no plan. Then, 4 weeks later you quit. Those moments are real, in those moments you did decide that enough was enough but for some reason you didn't see it through, and went back to your old unhealthy ways.
I've had plenty of those "moments" I've had 5 to be exact. The 6th time was different- It was an ugly moment. I found out my family had to pick up and move to Texas. I had just lost my best friend, my family turned their backs on me. There is no harder blow to your self esteem and sense of self worth then when the people who are supposed to love you unconditionally- puts conditions on their loyalty and love. Although, then I wasn't shocked. Then I felt I deserve this, I'm fat, ugly, I should be grateful that anyone would want me around. I should feel lucky they were kind to me for this long. I hated myself. I allowed myself to be a landfill, I excepted everyones garbage-even my own.
In that moment I decided I would do something different than the other times - I would honestly TRY I wouldn't just go through the motions I would give it my all. I would plan, educate myself, and really commit! I had something to prove to them and most importantly me.
I wish I could tell you from that moment on it was easy, I wish I could show you a magical way to avoid the emotional triggers, the haters, and Golden Corral. There isn't. Sorry.
The truth? This journey is a slow process. It will NOT happen all at once. It's a gradual process, and I'm grateful for that. Gradually I learned to make healthy food choices, gradually I started to love myself. It makes sense to do it this way, cause the emotional baggage you've accumulated took YEARS to pile up, it will take some time dump it all. You will feel the burden lessen with every small victory! You are worth TRYING. You are worth trying to hate yourself less. You are worth doing the work, paying attention, and being kind to yourself while you struggle to figure it out. You are worth deciding that you are worthy .
No comments:
Post a Comment